Posts Tagged ‘Miss You Mom’

I am taking this moment and using my platform to speak out about where I am and define a change. I will not be held by my situation but use it to thrust me in a new direction.
As I told you all a couple weeks ago in my last post, I have had my Mom on my mind which has been a bit of a distraction when it comes to my writing. I have found this strange and conflicting. Mom always encouraged me to write and be creative; she loved to write and draw. She was such an amazing woman, and I am so thankful for all she taught and the way she inspired me. She is still inspiring me every day. It is because of the thoughts of her lately that have driven me to take my business in new directions and grow and thrive but for some reason, my writing has suffered…
It has seemed that when I sit to write that my thoughts are either on her and my focus is lost or my thoughts are all over the place keeping me distracted from my writing. That ends today. That is not who she would want me to be. She would want me to grow and thrive…she would want me to express myself. She loved that she was able to do that with her art work. She also wrote songs and played guitar… She has taught me to be inspired by music and the things in this beautiful God given world that surround me. I am so blessed.
I am taking charge and taking control of my thoughts and my attention. Thoughts of Mom will not leave me… They will help me harness control of things and stay laser focused.
Mom always wanted to have everything that she could offer to my brother, sister, and me. She never had desires of being successful in business or have accolades plastered on her wall. Although, she was an accomplished business woman which always drove me to want to be my own boss.
Her accomplishments were us…her babies. That is all she ever wanted to be was a Mommy, and there is no question she was one of the best to have ever walked the planet. I only hope I am a fraction of the amazing parent that she was. Everyone knew how amazing she was…growing up, all our close friends just called her Mom…because that’s how she treated them. She would give them anything they needed; she fed our friends, cared for them, helped them, guided and counseled with them. She was an amazing Mom and friend to everyone she met.
She was proud of our success and wanted us to be successful. We were her success.
I am not going to fall short or fail her now… I know she would never see anything I do as a failure. She would see it as nothing more than a setback… or as my Pastor always says, “a setup” for God’s next big thing. She always thought that way…similar to Pastor. My Pastor Poncho sees all of life’s obstacles as new opportunities for God to Wow His children and show us His love and endless grace and mercy. Mom was the same way…she was a child of God and beyond convinced of her children’s abilities and knew that God was with her babies, and they were going to be great at whatever they did in life.
I know my brother is thriving more now than he has in years, and Mom is his inspiration. I want to be the same way. I want to allow her to continue to encourage me and be my strength. This distraction that I have had lately is done…no more will I allow my own head to get in my way.
Mom, I love you…Thank you for all the inspiration and guidance…you have not even begun to stop teaching me. I am so blessed and thankful that you were my Mommy.
To all who have continued to follow me and stay tuned even amongst the last couple of weeks in which I have had a little drought; I say thank you… You will be glad you have stayed tuned in as I have great new content coming. That is my commitment to you.
For those who have yet to click that button on the left to Follow don’t forget to do it now.
Corey B. is with you all the way. Let’s Get Cocky.

For the last few days, I’ve tried to sit down and write and had to move onto other projects… I just couldn’t get my head in it. My thoughts have been consumed by the longing for my Mom.

For those who don’t already know, I lost my Mom just over a year ago and I was very accustomed to getting to have my daily conversation with her. It was something that had become so important to me. When life got busy and we only had a few moments to chat, we still had those few moments… occasionally she would not be feeling well and not make to the phone and she would endlessly apologize the next day for the time we had lost just chatting with one another… I always tried to reassure her that it was so sill to apologize as she would tell me the same if I had been running all day and not called her until late.

We both felt those moments were so important and were saddened when we missed them; thankfully, it was rare that we actually missed them.

I long for those moments now in ways I can not even put into words. I have lost multiple family members and always knew that Mom would always be there. She had suffered most of her life fight illness that doctors said would take her away from us at a young age. She fought harder than any doctor had ever seen. She was active in athletics with me, my brother, and my sister. She was incredible beyond words.

She fought through everything for us… She would remind us regularly that we were what saved her.

I don’t think I ever truly conveyed to her all she did for me. She was more than my Mom…. From the time I was little, she was the one I could trust in and confide in. She was my biggest fan; she reminded me regularly that I was her hero and one day she would grow up to be like me… little did she know that I just wanted to make her proud. She told me tails of her and Dad and their business ventures which drove me to desires of success and to run my own business one day.

Daily, I tend to my garden with my boys just the way she taught me and gardened with me when I was a little boy. It is so incredibly therapeutic to work in my garden and talk to Mom while I do it… If only she could be here with me… She is always in my heart and inspires all I do.

She sung so beautifully and encouraged us as kids to sing and be joyful and to worship the Lord proudly… She also began teaching my daughter, Mariah to play the guitar… She taught herself to play guitar on her friend’s twelve string steel string guitar when she was younger and loved to play and write music. She had dreams of us playing together for the boys… I was not as quick to pick it up but one day I will be playing great music for the boys as she dreamt we would. She had written songs that I wish I knew…

She always had music on in the house… Linda Ronstadt, Air Supply, Billie Idol, Prince & the Revolution, Boston, Bruce Springsteen Michael Jackson, the Jackson 5… These were just a few of my favorites, but you better believe that the list went on and on.

She encouraged me in all the different music I listened to and attempted to play. She bought me my first keyboard when I was just a kid and got me my first guitar lesson when I was a teenager.

I grew up watching her soaps with her and watching Lifetime movies… we also watched action movies like Die Hard and Lethal Weapon… We really just had fun together… Even when we had no money and things just didn’t line up right for the month, she never let us know. She would make hotdogs and mac and cheese and have us pick movies to watch and we’d have family movie night on Friday night and stay up late… sometimes inviting friends and other times, just family. She made everything in our lives feel special. She made everything fun.

Just like and mom or dad, she made mistakes… as a dad myself, that is something that can not be avoided… mistakes will be made, none of us are perfect. As we grew older, she always held on to her mistakes. She would apologize all the time for not being a good enough mommy. She would ask me if I remembered good times from my childhood. She would ask if I thought she was a good mom when we were younger always reminded her that she was a great mom and I never held onto her mistakes. I never even thought of them until she wanted to talk about them. They didn’t affect me the way she thought they did. To me, I think that is something that caring parents do… I know I always wonder if the mistake I’ve made will affect the boys, but I do not dwell on them or hold onto those thoughts. I made me sad to think my mom held onto them so much.

I wish so much that she knew how much power she gave me. So much confidence she built inside me. As a child, she taught me that the word ‘can’t’ was a bd word; I was not allowed to say. She always told me that I could do anything and to never say the word ‘can’t’.

There is no question, that I am the man she taught me to be. I am Corey B. because this is who my Mom inspired me to be.

This is a huge part of who I am. As I mentioned, I have just had some difficulty writing the last few days, so I had to share this. Maybe it will inspire some of you… I know it helped me.

Thank you for reading.

Today is an important day…

This is, without question, the most difficult post I have done thus far… A year ago, today, my life was changed and will never be the same…  I lost my Mom. I can’t begin to express what she meant to me. She truly was one of the most amazing people I have ever known in all my life.

She was the one who taught me to be the man I am today. She taught me to be ambitious. She taught me to be strong. She taught me that fear was okay, but not to be scared or controlled by fear. You must be strong and decisive.

I remember growing up hearing the stories of her and Dad’s business ventures. I always knew that I would own my own business one day. Over the years the type of business changed so many times…but ultimately, I was going to be like my Dad… my Dad wasn’t around when I was growing up. He was when I was little, but then him and Mom divorced, and we lost touch for much of my life… When I was a teenager, I looked to him like a hero… it wasn’t till later that I grew and realized that I was seeing him through my Mom’s eyes. He wasn’t my hero; he was an amazing man. He was a wonderful man. He was my Dad. He will always be my Dad, and I love him dearly… I hold the moments and memories that we shared so close in my heart. But the truth is, as amazing as he was and still is, my hero, he is not. My hero is my Mom. She has been for nearly all my life, even when I was too clueless to realize it.

My Mom taught me about being an entrepreneur, and she also taught me about the importance of writing and expressing myself artistically. She told me stories my whole life that caused me to look up to my Dad and want to be like him…

All along, I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be the type of man that she would see as worthy and good enough. I wanted to make her proud. I wanted my Dad to one day come back in my life and see the man I had become. I wanted her to know that as incredible as she thought he was, I could be great too. I could do the amazing things they did.

My drive and ambition have always been there… It was always something that was in me. Many things over the years have clouded my judgement as life tends to do, but that drive has always been there, and it was because of her. It was because of what she taught me and how she taught me to be.

I couldn’t be more grateful for the stories she shared about Dad and the picture she painted of him being a Texas Hero and an entrepreneur with ambition to spare…. But ultimately, when telling these stories, she never expressed that they started these businesses because of success, fame, or fortune… she always said they were just having fun. That was something I never forgot. They had fun. They loved working with one another and in so many different arenas also. At one point, my Mom… 5’2” 120 lbs… and my Dad owned a company laying brick… She was always so proud to tell me… “Me and your Dad used to lay brick.” I was so proud every time I heard it.

Mom, I’m doing it! I am running my own successful business and I am reaching others and helping them start and run their business. I am also reaching more people through my writing which you always encouraged. I wish you were here to see what I have accomplished. You were always so proud of me and loved when I started my first business years ago and always encouraged and helped as much as you could along the way… I am now helping others as you always helped me. I love you, Mom. I am so proud to share your stories and the things you have taught… Me and Jason shared stories with each other today about growing up… we talked of some of our friends and the experiences we had. I remember friends like David and Andre called you ‘Mom’. If only more people could have been so lucky and so blessed to have a mom like you. I am thankful everyday… I am learning that you never stopped teaching me… even to this day… just by talking to Jason, I realized things that I was still learning from you. I miss you more than you know and will continue to honor you, Kimberly, our kiddos, and the Bayless Family traditions as I grow and continue to develop my business. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you either… but I don’t think we can ever thank the people who touch our lives and effect so strongly.

Today, I ask of all of you, please take a moment to show a little love and appreciation to those who support you in your efforts and business… those who are always there for you. Whether it be your Mom, Dad, brother, wife, husband, or true friend…  whoever is in your life who is there for you in that special way and continues to encourage you and help you grow to be a better person, give them your love and appreciation… You wouldn’t be you without them.